After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him, "Follow me." And he got up, left everything, and followed him. Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house; and there was a large crowd of tax collectors and others sitting at the table with them. The Pharisees and their scribes were complaining to his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" Jesus answered, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentance." --- Luke 5:27-32
As I've been thinking about this passage today, the end result is a deep sense of hope. I know the wrongs I do, how many ways I miss the mark. And yet Jesus is still willing to accept me; not only that, he chooses to spend time with people like me. On days like today, where I alternate from one minute to the next between gratitude and a sense of closeness to being completely pissed off with God, it's nice to know that my mood swings and temper tantrums aren't going to chase him away.
One thing I have noticed during my tv-less afternoon is just how noisy "silence" can be. I hear the whine of my laptop, the rumble and clank of the dryer, the horrible sound of rushing water as the washing machine overflows the drain and floods the basement once again. I have not yet succeeded in my plan to sit quietly and listen for God; even without the tv running in the background I still find plenty of things to fill my mind and distract me.
Posted by rachel at February 28, 2004 05:27 PM
I think you're right; you can't be pissed-off with someone if you don't care about them or what they do.
Imagine sharing a twin bed with two affectionate/pushy cats. And several pillows. Not to mention a down comforter and several blankets. See Rachel shoved over to a 6-inch-space on the very edge. See Rachel buy a queen-size bed so that, no matter how much the cats push, she will always have more room than before. :)
Aidan is really a cuddler, which is sweet but sometimes (at 3 am) incredibly annoying.
Posted by: Rachel at February 29, 2004 09:39 AM
Isn't pissed-offness also a form of closeness? I worry when I stop caring altogether about someone (God or someone else). If I'm angry, at least we're still engaged in relationship.
I really wanted to post about sleeping with Aidan. With James gone, I had a queen-size bed with flannel sheets and 6 pillows and 2 cats, all to myself. Opal, however, bullies me over until I'm squished on the edge of the bed. Ruby sits by my head and stares at me sleeping. I had interpreted it as bullying, but maybe it is, as you say, great affection and desire. Cats are dogged in getting the affection they need - maybe we give up too easily.
I'm glad you're blogging everyday!
Posted by: Jenell at February 28, 2004 08:37 PM