I've been doing fine the past few days, then about 15 minutes ago my mood inexplicably started plummeting and I feel myself being pulled into a quicksand of self-pity and sorrow. How do you get past loneliness? How do you take action, when the only possibilities you see are those which terrify you?
Damn. I hate crying at work.
It's too early for PMS.
I stared at a computer for something like 13 hours yesterday. I don't foresee today being much different. Or the day after that. How sad is it to turn on the tv because you're desperate for the sound of human voices, even if they aren't talking to you?
It's days like this
that I want to leave -
shut the book,
close the door,
and live my life free of you.
My anger, my frustration,
my petulance
have gotten the best of me.
They fill my heart
and push out the passion
I once felt.
And yet, just
when I think I've resigned myself
to your silence,
to my solitude,
my heart echoes Peter's cry:
"Lord, you have the words of eternal life.
To who else can we go?"
And, though I fight it,
I remain.
(journal - 9/21/03)
Fuck. I was fine when I woke up. Where is this coming from?
Posted by rachel at March 2, 2004 10:10 AM
Rachel--it happens to me too, and you need to know that I am always in my house, also starving for conversations that don't start with "Mom..." and I will always pick up for the U of M.
Posted by: carla barnhill at March 3, 2004 09:03 AM
I got whapped by the Big D a couple of weeks ago, on a Saturday afternoon, in the middle of watching "Bend it Like Beckham." I have no idea where this nonsense comes from. I hate that my brain is a pawn to chemicals, and my esteem and emotions so willingly follow.
Posted by: kp at March 2, 2004 11:29 AMYou're not alone! I will pray for you today, my friend. Nobody puts Baby in the Corner!