I am weary. A day or two ago, I developed a cold that has sapped what little strength I had left after an emotional weekend. I fell asleep on the couch before 7 last night, hauled myself to bed about 8, and got up at 6:30. Yet I'm still tired. Fuzzy brained, I wobble my down the hall to the drinking fountain and back to my desk.
I am bone-tired.
I read about what's going on in New Orleans & surrounding areas, but find it overwhelming. There is nothing I can do. So I tune out. Well, and toss out a few prayers for those affected. But I don't think I believe they will do any good.
My heart would ache, if it could. But emotion, like strength, has melted away.
I want to go home. I want to curl up in bed under the comforter and sleep until Monday. I want to call TheBoy, but I'm afraid. (Perhaps "the break" he thinks we need to take is more than just a few days and he won't be willing to talk to me?) I want to drink, to sip down a tall, cold glass of "grown-up chocolate milk" - organic milk, chocolate liqueur, and vanilla vodka, and watch Sense & Sensibility. I want my doubts and questions about God to be resolved, as all this pondering is disconcerting; the foundation on which I've stood for so long is once again shaking. I want to have the strength and courage to love.
Posted by rachel at September 1, 2005 03:35 PM