Transience

stuff & nonsense

Lovely: Rest stop dinosaurs and the image of God

Last night I jumped every time the phone rang. But it was never TheBoy. I kept hoping he would respond to the email I sent yesterday afternoon, asking if we could get together or at least talk. But perhaps he hasn't even gotten it yet.

Aargh. I do not do well with conflict and lack of resolution. I just want to explain myself and have everything go back to normal. And my current inability to do that makes me feel trapped. I want to say "Don't avoid me because you think I'm angry & you just can't deal with that. I'm not." I want to say "Are we still friends?" I want to say "Getting to know you has brought me more joy in the past few months than I can express. I don't want to lose that." I want to say so many other things that I don't trust myself to express properly via email.

I stayed up too late last night, reading other people's blogs and pondering Christian agnosticism, panentheism, reconciliation, and mindfulness. And then, once I'd finally gotten upstairs & into bed, I had to spend another hour reading so that I could finish Blink.

Posted by rachel at September 8, 2005 01:05 PM