Transience

assorted thoughts

movies
Last night I watched Sin City. And I have to tell you, I understand why TheBoy was enthralled. Visually, it was fascinating. The black-and-white shots with just a single color as a highlight really captured the pop-art, comic book feel for me. And the way shots were set up & framed also kept the episodic feel of a panel-by-panel story. Yeah, it was gory, but certainly not the worst I've seen. And the violence was so stylized that it was easy for me to disconnect from it. I doubt I'll watch it again any time soon, but I have to admit I enjoyed it. I don't know the last time I watched a movie without daydreaming or actually bothered to pause it when I got up to get a drink from the kitchen. (It was definitely more interesting than An Unfinished Life.)

things I want
a wooden computer

church, politics, & current events (or why Rachel is a terrible person)
I found Sunday night a frustrating experience for multiple reasons. I am tired of Hurricane Katrina photos on the projector with all the songs. They disturb and distract me. Yes, it is good to be aware of what's going on in the world. But frankly, I can't help but be aware, what with the all-Katrina, all-the-time coverage on tv & radio & internet. I come to church to focus on God. These days, for multiple reasons, that feels like a losing proposition.

I was also disturbed by the image of the girl with the flag used for one song's background image & the fact that there was an American flag standing in the sanctuary during church. For me, that really seems to be blurring the line between God's Kingdom and our country. And I don't like feeling that I'm being manipulated into being patriotic. (Heck, I refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance, though I'll stand respectfully. I also refused to go forward at one of those endless altar calls they had at my old church, even when I was the only person still sitting & the pastor glared at me like I'd sprouted horns & a tail. And I usually refuse to do the greet-your-neighbor things Doug tells us to do. Call me a rebel.)

I'll admit that I was also disappointed that the sermon time was given over to 9/11. (Yes, I'm a horrible person. Deal with it.) I ended up leaving the building until people were done talking. I understand it was a major event in many lives. But I don't see why I should be forced to make it a part of mine again & again & again. Ok, it was a terrifying & sad time. But in the end, it didn't affect my life any more than the hurricane or tsunami have. Frankly, I found the first Gulf War much more traumatic. Should we have a special rememberance service on January 17? I can tell you how it felt to sit in the dark & watch grainy images of smart bombs on tv all day. I can tell you how it felt to not know where my dad was or if I'd ever see him again.

It seems there's a balance between acknowledging the pain in the world & focusing on it. The past few weeks I've felt like we're on the heavy end of the teeter-totter & God is about to be cherry-bumped off the top.

It doesn't help that I've spent the past few months grasping at anything that will keep me from feeling I've become a heretic. I don't like the fact that these days I come to church just to see my friends. But right now, you all are where I feel God. Not in what we do Sunday night, but in the simple fact of your presence and love. Today I long for a sense of transcendence.

Posted by rachel at September 13, 2005 12:28 PM