I feel like I've been thinking so much recently, but I have nothing to say. I've not yet reached any conclusions, formed any theories, discovered any forgotten truths. All I've come up with is more questions. My mind races frantically down each new rabbit hole.
This past weekend it was very good to be able to catch up with all the friends I feel I've been neglecting the past few months. I seem to be regaining a sense of balance, at least in this realm, after being off-kilter for a while. (It's so good to be surrounded by love & acceptance.)
Yesterday I spent a lot of time reading enneagram stuff & pondering what it said. How do I move past my fear of abandonment into trust & hope? How do I relax and allow my friends to live as they are, rather than expecting them to act the ways I would? Who am I? Who should I be? Who could I be?
Currently pondering:
Why has my eye been twitching the past 2 days?
How do you ask someone if you're still friends?
How many more times must I risk my heart breaking?
What do I believe?
Why do I believe?
Am I bound to faith by the network of people in my life & my fear of what it would mean if I left, rather than from any true belief?
If so, what does that say about the last decade+ of my life?
Posted by rachel at September 15, 2005 12:47 PM
Oh, friend! I can only offer this:
Most likely your eye is twitching due to a lack of magnesium.
Love, love, love!
Posted by: Colleen Welch at September 16, 2005 11:25 AMWell I feel direct is best, but perhaps you could ask are we still friends? Or perhaps is there another category you'd like to pick from? companions, acquaintenances, people who aren't enemies? ;-) Ahh, relationships are so difficult.
Posted by: MarMar at September 16, 2005 03:56 PM
Let me know what you figure out, you fellow 5er!
Posted by: kp at September 15, 2005 04:06 PM(You know that new song at church where the bridge says “You’re not alone...” – I almost cry every time I hear that! I couldn’t figure out why the first few times i heard it, but now I blame it on my five-ness.)